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Phoenix (凤凰)'s Log |
2009-12-27:
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0110 hours - bye |
Going tomorrow to San Francisco for a few days to stay with my grandmother. Will leave you all with a brief revelation I just had:
The book Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb, which I loved as a child of two or three, can be read as a series of sexual innuendos. (Example: "Hand, hand, fingers, thumb/one thumb, one thumb, drumming on a drum.") This is worse than when I worked out the song "A Whole New World" from Aladdin.
Emotional state:  dirtyOn audio: dirty Emotional state: Guess.On audio: Guess.
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| 2009-12-24:
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2338 hours - of rum and slaughter |
I have a post to make later about racism, and one about healthcare, but today I want to talk about the family. First, Dad.
Dad's not a drinking man. He shares my taste in beer, but hardly ever touches it, and he's no big fan of wine, either. Supposedly as a teen he experimented, but he came out of it free of addiction, so it hasn't greatly impacted his life. However, he read a book last year about rum, and from an anecdote in it he got the charming idea of rum as a traditional Christmas present. From families to the father of the household, specifically. So last year he asked for rum, and received two kinds. This winter, reminded of its existence, he began to buy eggnog to drink it in. The bottle ran low.
Alcohol in my family works thus: when someone imbibes it, Matisse proceeds to tease them mercilessly about how drunk they are (even if they're only mildly tipsy, and acting more reasonable than she normally does.) So today, when a "family present" was revealed to be a shot glass (bought by Dad, who insisted on calling it a "measuring cup" to the great amusement of all present) and Dad's yearly rum had been unwrapped (one of seven presents altogether: two for him, one for the boys, and the rest for the family) Mum, Dad and I decided to measure out the rest of the previous bottle. Dad was singing earlier, which he never does unless there's something on the stereo, insisting that rum doesn't get people drunk, and generally being comical. Now he's arguing that the shot glass isn't a shot glass again. Matisse is greatly amused. I think it's funny, but then I had a couple too.
Today the boys and I did some advance cleaning because my grandmother's coming day after tomorrow, and we didn't want to do our chores all tomorrow. Then we rewarded ourselves with a couple of episodes of Babylon 5, chosen by a series of die rolls and coin flips -- I had forgotten how dark the fifth season is, but remembered most of the commentary on the second-season ep we wound up watching -- and followed that with some of the Scottish Falsetto Sockpuppet Theatre on YouTube, and played a few hands of Zar, as we were alone in the house and could freely do these things.
Speaking of watching stuff, we're into the fourth season of Futurama, which seems to us less funny than the earlier seasons. Also I'm sick of Bender. Still pretty good except for the bad bits.
Haven't been writing much as I've been busy conquering people. Matisse and I have reinvented a lot of history -- did you know Attila the Hun's two chief weapons were tons of castles and a cracking navy? Or that Mongols teamed up with the Japanese, Persians, and British to wrest the Black Forest region from the control of the Mayans and their allies? Neither did we, before. Ah, Age of Kings.
Emotional state:  tipsyOn audio: tipsy
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| 2009-12-15:
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0422 hours - it's insanely-early o'clock |
We oughtta have an initiative constitutional amendment to ban 7:00 finals. 8:00 classes are hell enough. *got up at 4:00*
Emotional state:  awakeOn audio: awake
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| 2009-12-12:
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1240 hours - out of context |
My brothers are chasing each other around the house, fighting over who gets to practice running in high heels next.
It would be much more impressive if the only pair of heels we have weren't so short.
Emotional state:  amusedOn audio: amused
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| 2009-12-09:
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1704 hours - pre-final word |
I'm going into pre-finals semi-silent mode, where I don't write much. Will say the latest from New Jersey pisses me off, but I was also glad today to get up and read Bruce Springsteen's statement on his official website:A BRIEF STATEMENT FROM BRUCE
Like many of you who live in New Jersey, I've been following the progress of the marriage-equality legislation currently being considered in Trenton. I've long believed in and have always spoken out for the rights of same sex couples and fully agree with Governor Corzine when he writes that, "The marriage-equality issue should be recognized for what it truly is -- a civil rights issue that must be approved to assure that every citizen is treated equally under the law." I couldn't agree more with that statement and urge those who support equal treatment for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters to let their voices be heard now.
Emotional state:  stressedOn audio: stressed Emotional state: Bruce Springsteen - Working on a DreamOn audio: Bruce Springsteen - Working on a Dream
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| 2009-12-07:
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1714 hours - budget cuts endanger American liberty yet again |
I was talking to a lady the other day about the difficulty getting into classes. "Oh," said she, "but they're building all those fancy new buildings! They have money!" Well, no. Those buildings are being built with bond money -- borrowed funds -- which is only available for the cost of construction. Truth is, we've lost departments, classes, and employees; the teachers we still have accepted pay cuts to keep from losing more. We students know we can't count on the classes we want being available or offered again, and after last semester when no class had room for latecomers we're fighting like mad to get into the coming semester's offerings. This is probably why I have spent the last four hours trying to get into the registration website, even trying the phone method in desperation, without any success.
HELP ME.
Edit: HAHA I BEAT THE SYSTEM I'M IN I'M IN I'M IN I CAN HAS EDUCATION YAY
Emotional state:  worriedOn audio: worried Emotional state: Bruce Springsteen - No SurrenderOn audio: Bruce Springsteen - No Surrender
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| 2009-11-30:
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1402 hours - numbers |
A while back I was looking through a collection of brochures for different programs at my school and caught myself thinking "wow, there're a lot of women on these brochures!" Then I thought "I wonder how many there are, exactly," and counted. End result: 13 women, 17 men, and a few I couldn't positively identify. Hm.
I think part of the reason I thought it looked good was that they had women on the brochures for "male" fields (CS, engineering) and men on the "female" fields' ones (nursing, I believe also culinary arts) so I was expecting good numbers too. But there's also the male default here. I noticed the women. The men were to be expected. I remember reading about a study where men and women were shown videos of conversations and asked who had dominated them, and they thought women were dominating conversations when the time taken by men and women was equal, and saw balance when the men talked more.
Another case of that crops up in the apparent "crisis" in American Judaism. That most religions are and have historically been run by men isn't an issue, but as soon as one appears to be dominated by women, it's a problem. Note that the only man quoted in that article as saying that gender imbalance isn't a problem is speaking from a place where men are the majority -- that kind of imbalance is fine, people!
Have I mentioned lately that I'm tired of misogyny?
Emotional state: worriedOn audio: worried Emotional state: Bruce Springsteen - The WrestlerOn audio: Bruce Springsteen - The Wrestler
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| 2009-11-28:
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1109 hours - how not to overcome a phobia |
I broke my glasses last night. In the morning, when I sheepishly reported to Mum what had happened, she told me I should find a backup pair (don't have one; it's been years and my prescription changed) and call the optometrist. Now, I am a logical person, but do not ask me to make a phone call if there is any alternative. I will panic, shut down, and become defensive. The only kind of phone calls I can handle are when someone calls me, when I call home, when I call somewhere I know a robot will answer, and when I have absolutely no choice. It's hard enough talking to strangers in person, or emailing them; not knowing who'll be at the other end of the phone is impossible. And it's not just that I need to make more calls, goddammit. I feel ill when I'm pushed. And nobody understands. *single tear*
Emotional state:  aggravatedOn audio: aggravated
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| 2009-11-27:
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1637 hours - meta: squicks and siblings |
Claudia Christian mentioned in a blog post the other day that a B5 director ("who had clearly never watched the show") had told her to play her scenes with Sheridan more "sexy and coquettish" and I had such a strong "EWNOGROSS" reaction that I had to step back and analyze why. I can handle all kinds of fic/pairings, even if I prefer to avoid them. But Sheridan/Ivanova disgusts me, and thinking about it I've come to the conclusion that it's because they're too much like siblings.
It's kind of funny, I suppose. I can handle all kinds of screwed-up pairings if I understand the kink, even if I don't share it. I can deal with non-con, power imbalance including parent/child incest, aliens... lots of stuff. And I'm on IJ substantially because I used to have a good friend who wrote and read Weasleycest, and while I wasn't into it I didn't like the idea of her ability to do so being restricted. But despite this, sibling incest remains one of my biggest squicks.
Maybe it's because I have siblings I'm close to, and the idea of people perverting that kind of relationship feels too close to home. But I have parents I'm close to, too, and I can handle parent/child type stuff. I suppose in the Sheridan/Ivanova case, there's the added factor that they're not related by blood or by legal definition, and I've got those siblings too and know how upsetting I'd find it if people ignored that and assumed that we were sexually involved. Ties in to the whole "a man and a woman can't be just friends ever" cultural assumption, which I hate because I used to be the girl who had all guy friends and wasn't into any of them, no, really, stop teasing me, Mum! *coughs* Tangent there. Anyway, I think there's another factor.
Actors are often treated as people whose job is to convey emotions, deliver lines, and embody personalities. They are, of course. But another job they do is play relationships, and they're often not as good at that. We've all seen a big romantic storyline completely fizzle because the main romance lacked chemistry. Then, too, parent-child dynamics on screen and stage often fall flat. But the most commonly disappointing relationships I'm used to seeing are sibling ones. Screen siblings, whether bickering or affectionate, tend to fail to convince. And so I guess when I see a sibling relationship I like, I really don't like seeing it taken through the "a man and a woman can't be just friends ever" cliché. So Sheridan and Ivanova, whose sibling vibe seems so clear to me, I can't bear to think of in a sexual situation.
(Claudia Christian, I may have mentioned, is brilliant at playing relationships. Yet another reason I love B5.)
Emotional state:  pensiveOn audio: pensive
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| 2009-11-23:
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1119 hours - this is the long goodbye |
Inexplicable 10-hour power outage last night. The weather's not even bad at all.
I appear to have lost my computer permanently -- I set up Age of Empires II and now everybody wants to play. Matisse took an 8-hour turn yesterday, and when Mum starts....
Emotional state: awakeOn audio: awake
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| 2009-11-22:
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1449 hours - snapshot |
 What my preferred desktop looks like now. Xfce+Pekwm on Arch Linux, tons of custom panels and Firefox addons, automatic grouping of selected programs together, and more. Click the thumbnail for actual size (1440x900, big file.)
Emotional state:  geekyOn audio: geeky
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| 2009-11-21:
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1613 hours - computers, laws thereof |
Phoenix's Universal Laws of Computing:
1) Your computer is stupid, but completely obedient. It will do exactly what you tell it to do, whether or not that's what you actually want or, indeed, what you thought you were doing.
2) Your computer is out to get you. It hates your guts and wants you dead. You cannot let down your guard even for a moment. Save early, save often, and back up everything regularly.
3) Your computer can tell if you're afraid. It will do everything in its power to keep you that way. You have to show it who's boss, and that had better be you.
Emotional state:  powerfulOn audio: powerful
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| 2009-11-18:
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2014 hours - ah, initiative process |
Just got word that this is now in circulation to be put on the ballot next year:CREATES SPECIAL CONSTITUTIONAL RULE FOR SPEECH BASED ON THE BIBLE. INITIATIVE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT.
Exempts speech based on biblical authority from existing constitutional and statutory restrictions applicable to all other speech, including restrictions against discrimination and hate crimes. Repeals constitutional provision denying protection to acts of religious expression inconsistent with the peace or safety of the State. -Snip fiscal impact.- Oh, state of California. WHY? This beats out the mandatory Christmas music in schools for the coveted position of "#1 thing Phoenix is most disgusted at the idea of being obligated to vote on in 2010." Driving parents across the state batty is a much less evil thing to try to violate the establishment clause with than promoting violence against queers (and, soon enough, Jews.)
Emotional state:  infuriatedOn audio: infuriated
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| 2009-11-17:
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2001 hours - *yawn* |
First day of work = success. Phoenix = tired. The week = just beginning.
Emotional state:  exhaustedOn audio: exhausted Emotional state: Dire Straits - Once Upon a Time in the WestOn audio: Dire Straits - Once Upon a Time in the West
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| 2009-11-16:
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1409 hours - completely unsurprised, but... |
Richard O'Brien hasn't been publicly ID'ing as third sex/transgender for very long, has he? Only it seems so logical that I can't quite believe it wasn't already well-known, but I hadn't heard until today so....
(Typing this post took forever because I am learning Colemak and all the keys are where I don't expect them to be.)
(Thanks to everyone who commented about my grandfather. I still haven't really processed it so I can't really say more on the subject yet.)
Emotional state:  curiousOn audio: curious Emotional state: Tim Curry - Sweet TransvestiteOn audio: Tim Curry - Sweet Transvestite
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| 2009-11-15:
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1717 hours - ... |
My grandfather just died.
I still don't know how I feel.
Emotional state:  blankOn audio: blank Emotional state: John Cougar Mellencamp - Jack and DianeOn audio: John Cougar Mellencamp - Jack and Diane
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| 2009-11-11:
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2347 hours - time for another Top Ten! |
Brought to you by the impending release of Avernum 6, I present:
Phoenix's Personal Top Ten Games You Can Get, sorted by license.
-Nethack. I've been playing for years and haven't beaten it, but that's not really the point. It's a D&D-style dungeon crawler with ASCII graphics (unless you play one of the graphical spinoffs) and it is freaking impossible. I love it. Open-source. Systems: Seriously just about anything.
-Parallel Realities' games, especially Blob Wars and Project: Starfighter. Blob wars is a platform-jumping, mad-shooting game, kind of like Mario but with more gore, while Project: Starfighter is a more complex sort of space shooter with a storyline and some devilish hard missions mixed in. Serious frustration potential, not to be missed. Open-source. All systems.
-The Ur-Quan Masters, AKA Star Control II. Adventure game in space. An alien race known as the Ur-Quan have conquered most of the galaxy, and most other races are enslaved or gone. You are a human, equipped with a starship from a long-dead alien race known as the Precursors, fighting to free Earth and all the galaxy, building alliances with alien races ranging from the obnoxious to the really cool. Oh, and you can't take too long, because if you do everyone in the universe is slaughtered. Open-source. All systems.
-The Battle for Wesnoth. Not so much a game as a game engine, allowing a wide variety of games to be played within it. It's a classic turn-based RPG in a Tolkienish universe, and I'm actually tired of it, but not because of the gameplay. Open-source. All systems.
-Dink Smallwood. Another game engine, this one for single-player RPGs/adventure games. Many user-contributed stories, ranging from the cool/silly to the bad. Open-source. All systems.
-The ScummVM freebies but not Flight of the Amazon Queen unless you're willing to overlook a lot of sexism. Beneath a Steel Sky is an excellent adventure game set in a dystopian future Australia, where a giant supercomputer is running an oppressive society. You have to, of course, defeat the supercomputer. Lure of the Temptress is nastily complicated in that you can make it so there's no way to win more easily than should be possible, but is also a lot of fun. Games are free, interpreter open-source. All systems.
-Privateer: ASCII Sector. Be a merchant, mercenary, pirate, or some unholy combination thereof in a quest to make enough money to buy a better ship to make even more money... you get the idea. Infinite randomly-generated quests that are always challenging, cool ANSI graphics and a wide variety of paths to choose make this my #1 de-stressing game -- when I want to really focus on something other than whatever's stressing me out, I can play this thing for hours. Freeware. Win/Mac/Lin.
-AGDI Interactive's Sierra game remakes. Quest for Glory is a classic adventure/RPG, this one set in the desert city of Shapeir where you, having successfully saved the valley of Spielburg from its various troubles, must defeat four elementals and then the evil wizard who created them, or the world will be destroyed. Three character classes, four major game paths, many more gameplay options. Mazes! Monsters! Magic! Puzzles! Millions of ways to die! Chance of getting Rickrolled! I love it. Then the King's Quest games are pure adventure, less RPG (no stats to build) and heavy on the puzzles -- violence rarely profits you, even in the remakes. King's Quest II remake is breathtakingly complex, especially given that most of the original game was boring. Freeware. Windows, run well in WINE.
-The Avernum series. Above ground is the tyrannical Empire. In the caverns below is Avernum, a former penal colony now a chaotic system of tribal and local societies. You create a group of four adventurers -- D&D style, yes -- and embark on a massive quest made up of many subquests with even more optional side-quests, because these games are huge. The demos alone are so big that it takes days to beat them, if you're playing regularly. Shareware, and not cheap, but worth it. Systems: Win/Mac. I haven't tried in WINE yet.
-Gazillionaire III. I guess I really like space sims. You are a merchant with a huge debt, a spaceship you must fuel and pay crew to work on, and a bunch of cutthroat competitors all cheating and competing to make the biggest profit. It's a game of ruthless capitalism where a combination of luck and knowing when to cheat just might let you win. Shareware. Windows, works perfectly in WINE.
Emotional state:  tiredOn audio: tired
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| 2009-11-07:
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1351 hours - party |
I hate housecleaning. *glares balefully at the embarrassing portions of her bedroom*
We're having a party in about ten minutes. We're using the opportunity to wear costumes because we missed trick-or-treating due to 'flu. So Malcolm's a water molecule, Merlin's the Blue Screen of Death (this being a boy who's never used Windows) and Matisse and I are 1950s instructional video characters. Turns out, related to that, that my hair doesn't do pin curls. That's why I'm being the bad example, with wrinkly socks and a stained skirt and a partially-untucked shirt, in contrast to my neat and clean sister. Dad's being Inigo Montoya, and Mum's... Mum. Hopefully pictures will be forthcoming.
Emotional state:  accomplishedOn audio: accomplished Emotional state: The Beatles - Nowhere ManOn audio: The Beatles - Nowhere Man
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| 2009-11-03:
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2210 hours - mannnnn |
Numbers so far indicate we've lost Maine. Washington looking more promising but too early to tell. My dad came into my room turning the air blue over Maine -- he doesn't swear much, but he was pissed off. Me, I'm just cynical at this point.
I switched to Arch, which looks like the right level of minimalism for my main machine -- I'll revisit Gentoo when I've got a vacation to set it up in and/or a shiny new system to break (I want a cheapo computer for playing with, but I feel I shouldn't buy one for a while.)
In other news, I'm fed up with casual misogyny in geek circles.
Emotional state:  depressedOn audio: depressed
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| 2009-11-01:
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1513 hours - confessions of a hacker, pt. 2 |
I am writing this in links (text-only web browser) just because I can. I have an operational Gentoo system. This makes me semi-elite (I won't be elite until I successfully customize my kernel; right now I'm using a generic one.)
Today, I'd like to talk about why I love Linux. Ahem. ( Cut for length; not scary, honest. )
Hacking makes me happy.
Disclaimer: see relevant xkcd.
Emotional state: accomplishedOn audio: accomplished
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